"I am alive again! I am alive again!"
Yes, that's right--after a weekend that reminded me of being in school. Only I was still getting 8 hours (or at least 7) of sleep a night, which would have been really good for school. I guess I must be spoiled.
Friday began around 5 (a.m.)--not the best way of making for Happy Hannahs. This was an old job day--and I originally thought I might be home in time to get some work done on new job, but it didn't happen that way.
And then Saturday my mom and I took out for the eastern side of the state. I ran around frantically that morning trying to pack and print things and being stressed. Because I like to be stressed. My mom did almost all the driving and we had a good time on the road, and a nice time seeing cousins on the way, and cousins' children, one of whom was only two weeks old.
We stayed with 3 single ladies from the church. I told my mother that if I am single when I reach that time of life, I want a home exactly like it--except without the cats. It was a perfect blend of old and new and country elegance, with wooden floors and a stone fireplace and a cathedral ceiling with wooden beams, and bay windows...and a spinning wheel. And plenty of quiet good humor.
I had a marvelous time with the church the next day--they are just the sort of Christians it's easy to like. We had a wonderful time of real fellowship and joining in excitement about serving God. It was really wonderful being with them and visiting with their missions board.
We stopped and said hi to Jason and his mom. It was nice to see a good enemy again and have a little catching up and a little reminiscing. I was mostly nice.
And then we went on to another town, where my mom knows some folks who had invited people from their church to come hear about the mission. It was nice getting to meet them and share with them too. But on a side note: it is decidedly not pleasant to sit across the table from two people who know each other and spend the whole meal time discussing places and people in South Dakota. Remind me never to do that.
And a long trip home--but my mom drove. We changed into something more comfortable in a convenience store restroom and snuck out. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to see--my dress shoes and heart socks didn't coordinate with the pants sticking out from under my dress coat.
Monday more work--and then I took Charissa with me to my office after supper, where I had to stay to get this week's paper finished. We were there until 10:30--which I suppose would be early for school too. I needed the company--especially since I was writing about a murder trial, and the office can be a little spooky alone at night. I could tell it was late, though--I read back through something I had written and found this brilliant sentence: "it is our job to inform you, so that you can be informed." That one did get edited out. I'm beginning to think the office is "whereing" off on me--it sounds like something the guy before me would have written (the title of the post is a reference to his last column in the paper, in which he said "some fine, young, capped crusader" would replace him--I had visions of me in a various number of caps before someone pointed out to me that he probably meant "caped...").
So now I am celebrating my last day of old job by drinking coffee and writing on blogs.
And for those of you who think I'm from a small town, a note: we have a hip new coffee shop that doesn't close until 7 o'clock at night. I guess I have to make fun of it to you because I make fun of cities to people here. ;)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
There's such an evil presence...
In honor of Tiffany's birthday party (from Wikipedia):
A villain is an "evil" character in a story, whether an historical narrative or, especially, a work of fiction. The villain is the bad guy or heavy, the characters who strive against the hero. A female villain is sometimes called a villainess.
A villain's disposition towards evil distinguishes him from an antagonist. For example, Javert in Les Miserables is an antagonist: He opposes the hero, but does so by such means and under such pretexts as not to become entirely odious to the reader; he may, in fact, even repent, be redeemed, or become a "good guy" in the end. (A villain is virtually always an antagonist, but an antagonist is not always a villain.) The villain is also distinct from the anti-hero, a character who violates the law or the prevailing social standards, but who nevertheless has the audience's sympathy (and may be or become good-hearted,) and is therefore the real hero of the story.
In spite of being the target of the audience's hatred, the villain is an almost inevitable plot device and often – perhaps more than the hero – the central theme of the plot.
The etymology of the word is probably Middle English villein from Old French vilain, in turn from Late Latin villanus, meaning serf or peasant, someone who is bound to the soil of a villa, which is to say, worked on the equivalent of a plantation in late Antiquity, in Italy or Gaul.[1] Consequently, it meant a person of less than knightly status, and so came to mean a person who was not chivalrous; because many unchivalrous acts, such as treachery or rape, are villainous in the modern sense, and because the word was used as a term of abuse, it took on its modern meaning. [2]
The physical attributes of the villain vary according to the culture and epoch, and are often a fairly straightforward reflection of that culture's current prejudices – racial, political, religious, or otherwise. Just as a hero is often a paragon of the prevailing beauty ideal, a villain often has some physical deformity – perhaps to suggest an equally deformed mind (as in the case of Freddy Krueger), or a rough and violent background (as in the case of Peter Pan's Captain Hook or Treasure Island's Long John Silver).
Sometimes even mere violations of the prevailing dress code are enough to label the villain of the story. In fact, the villain is often impeccably dressed, but in a style that deviates somehow from the norm, perhaps only for being too impeccable – like the mafioso in a very expensive suit, or the knight in an overdecorated armor. Another "villain dress-code" would be that of "bad cowboys" and "good cowboys" wearing, respectively, black or white hats.
A typical cartoon villain of the 1970s in American culture is pictured at the top of this article. Note the formal black clothes, exquisitely neat facial hair, sharp facial features, and maniacal demeanour. This cliché was also very common in silent motion pictures, when villains had to look sinister for easy recognition. The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale, and Snidely Whiplash, as well as the Hanna-Barbera character Dick Dastardly, are well known parodies of this cliché. Sound movies later added to their villain cliché the "evil laughter" and a snooty or smarmy voice.
In opera and musical theater, the villain/villainess is played usually by a baritone/contralto. Overacting is often used by actors portraying the character to stress particular evils.
In many American movies the villain is often British (or implied as such with a stereotypical accent)
While the stereotypical physical attributes may help identify the villain, it is the psychological and moral attributes who make that role. Even harming the hero, or killing his/her beloved ones, will not make a character into a villain – unless it is clear that the act had "evil" motives.
A common psychological feature of the movie villain is a haughty overconfidence that leads to the unnecessary explanation of one's sinister plans – which is sometimes just a plot device used by the author to explain to the audience details which he/she could not express by more natural narrative means. (And of course, those "perfect" sinister plans invariably fail, in part because the villain is too arrogant and overconfident to take any of the precautions described in e.g. the Evil Overlord List.)
Another preeminent feature of the villain's evil character is a tendency to abuse his own accomplices, blame them for his/her own failure, punish them harshly -- even for trivial faults -- and to feel no shame in betraying them should it serve his/her purpose.
Vladimir Propp, in his analysis of the Russian fairy tale, concluded that a fairy tale had only eight dramatis personae, of which one was the villain[3], and his analysis has been widely applied to non-Russian tales. The actions fell into a villain's sphere were
a story-initiating villainy, where the villain caused harm to the hero or his family,
a conflict between the hero and the villain, either a fight or other compeitition
pursuing the hero after he has succeeding in winning the fight or obtaining something from the villain.
None of these acts must necessarily occur in a fairy tale, but when they occurred, the character that performed them was the villain. The villain therefore could appear twice: once in the opening of the story, and a second time as the person sought out by the hero.[4]
When a character performed only these acts, the character was a pure villain. Various villains also perform other functions in a fairy tale; a witch who fought the hero and ran away, which let the hero follow her, was also performing the task of "guidance" and thus acting as a helper. [5]
The functions could also be spread out among several characters. If a dragon acted as villain but was killed by the hero, another character -- such as the dragon's sisters -- might take on the role of villain and pursue the hero.[6]
Two other characters could appear in roles that are villainous in the more general sense. One is the false hero; this character is always villainous, presenting a false claim to be the hero that must be rebuted for the happy ending. [7] Another character, the dispatcher, sends a hero on his quest. This may be an innocent request, to fulfill a legitimate need, but the dispatcher may also, villainously, lie to send a character on a quest in hopes of being rid of him.[8]
Are villains inherently more interesting than the heroes who oppose them? They are at least as indispensable to the stories they appear in, probably more so. Those who stand on the side of righteousness and goodness seldom have much choice but to respond, and little choice in how; for villains, all paths are wide open. Many believe that Satan, for Christians the ultimate villain, is the most interesting character in John Milton's Paradise Lost, for all that he is the embodiment of evil. Perhaps in the nefarious acts of many villains there is more than a hint of wish-fulfilment fantasy, which makes some people identify with them as characters more strongly than they do the heroes. Still, the writer's task in creating a villain is not an easy or a trivial one; a convincing villain must be given a characterization that makes his motive for doing wrong convincing. As put by film critic Roger Ebert: "Each film is only as good as its villain. Since the heroes and the gimmicks tend to repeat from film to film, only a great villain can transform a good try into a triumph."[9]
Villains can be geniuses, (see evil genius), (for example, the highly intelligent Hannibal Lecter), insane (an example being the self-proclaimed Clown Prince of Crime the Joker), power-mad megalomaniacs, (such as the Decepticon leader Megatron, who seeks to rule the universe) dignified (Count Dooku) or all of the above, for instance, Maximillion Pegasus. They may be driven by any number of forces, ranging from greed (Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life and many others, especially criminal) to revenge (Magneto and his vendetta with humanity or Khan and his hatred of Kirk), or even a noble goal twisted by nefarious forces or tragedy (Darth Vader sought power to save his wife, but indirectly killed her instead). Truly, villains are a mixed bag.
However, not all villains are as awe-inspiring as the tall, black-clad Vader or as twisted as the cackling Joker. The character of Man in Bambi was noted as one of the top 100 villains of movie history[10], an impressive feat considering he himself was not completely seen on-screen.
Archenemy – the main and greatest foe of the hero who is the most difficult to defeat; archenemies come with a variety of origins, reasons for their actions etc., although their plots are often threatening to destroy or control a large amount of land, such as the world, galaxy, or universe.
Dark Lord or Evil Overlord – a villain of near-omnipotence in his realm, who seeks to utterly dominate that realm with the help of devoted followers and "Legions of Doom", and whose very name is usually anathema to the lips of the innocent.
Dog heavy – a film term for the third villain in a group, often with minimal or no lines of dialog. The term comes from B-movie Westerns: if the lead villain (or "brain heavy") is the one who leads the group and shoots the sheriff, and the next most villainous kills the deputy, the "dog heavy" is the one who kicks the dog.[11]
Evil genius – a character of great intelligence who chooses to use their knowledge for antisocial/immoral ends.
Femme fatale – a beautiful, seductive but ultimately villainous woman who uses the malign power of her sexuality in order to ensnare the hapless hero into danger.
Heel – the villain in a match of professional wrestling
Mad scientist – a scientist-villain or villain-scientist
Supervillain – a villain who displays special powers, skills or equipment powerful enough to be a typically serious challenge to a superhero.
Black Knight – A villain who is noble but is evil through circumstances.
Second string villain – often not very evil or even competent. Typically more ridiculous or annoying than fearsome or deadly and often serve as comic relief. Sometimes they reform and become probationary heroes or sidekicks. Frequently seen as the adult villains in children's adventure stories.
Tragic villain – is a villain who really does not intend to be a "villain" and perhaps believes they are honestly doing good. They are perhaps misled or not entirely in control of their feelings and/or actions.
Antihero – A character who is neither evil nor good, although this type of character is mostly willing to work for either side depending on the circumstances.
A villain is an "evil" character in a story, whether an historical narrative or, especially, a work of fiction. The villain is the bad guy or heavy, the characters who strive against the hero. A female villain is sometimes called a villainess.
A villain's disposition towards evil distinguishes him from an antagonist. For example, Javert in Les Miserables is an antagonist: He opposes the hero, but does so by such means and under such pretexts as not to become entirely odious to the reader; he may, in fact, even repent, be redeemed, or become a "good guy" in the end. (A villain is virtually always an antagonist, but an antagonist is not always a villain.) The villain is also distinct from the anti-hero, a character who violates the law or the prevailing social standards, but who nevertheless has the audience's sympathy (and may be or become good-hearted,) and is therefore the real hero of the story.
In spite of being the target of the audience's hatred, the villain is an almost inevitable plot device and often – perhaps more than the hero – the central theme of the plot.
The etymology of the word is probably Middle English villein from Old French vilain, in turn from Late Latin villanus, meaning serf or peasant, someone who is bound to the soil of a villa, which is to say, worked on the equivalent of a plantation in late Antiquity, in Italy or Gaul.[1] Consequently, it meant a person of less than knightly status, and so came to mean a person who was not chivalrous; because many unchivalrous acts, such as treachery or rape, are villainous in the modern sense, and because the word was used as a term of abuse, it took on its modern meaning. [2]
The physical attributes of the villain vary according to the culture and epoch, and are often a fairly straightforward reflection of that culture's current prejudices – racial, political, religious, or otherwise. Just as a hero is often a paragon of the prevailing beauty ideal, a villain often has some physical deformity – perhaps to suggest an equally deformed mind (as in the case of Freddy Krueger), or a rough and violent background (as in the case of Peter Pan's Captain Hook or Treasure Island's Long John Silver).
Sometimes even mere violations of the prevailing dress code are enough to label the villain of the story. In fact, the villain is often impeccably dressed, but in a style that deviates somehow from the norm, perhaps only for being too impeccable – like the mafioso in a very expensive suit, or the knight in an overdecorated armor. Another "villain dress-code" would be that of "bad cowboys" and "good cowboys" wearing, respectively, black or white hats.
A typical cartoon villain of the 1970s in American culture is pictured at the top of this article. Note the formal black clothes, exquisitely neat facial hair, sharp facial features, and maniacal demeanour. This cliché was also very common in silent motion pictures, when villains had to look sinister for easy recognition. The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale, and Snidely Whiplash, as well as the Hanna-Barbera character Dick Dastardly, are well known parodies of this cliché. Sound movies later added to their villain cliché the "evil laughter" and a snooty or smarmy voice.
In opera and musical theater, the villain/villainess is played usually by a baritone/contralto. Overacting is often used by actors portraying the character to stress particular evils.
In many American movies the villain is often British (or implied as such with a stereotypical accent)
While the stereotypical physical attributes may help identify the villain, it is the psychological and moral attributes who make that role. Even harming the hero, or killing his/her beloved ones, will not make a character into a villain – unless it is clear that the act had "evil" motives.
A common psychological feature of the movie villain is a haughty overconfidence that leads to the unnecessary explanation of one's sinister plans – which is sometimes just a plot device used by the author to explain to the audience details which he/she could not express by more natural narrative means. (And of course, those "perfect" sinister plans invariably fail, in part because the villain is too arrogant and overconfident to take any of the precautions described in e.g. the Evil Overlord List.)
Another preeminent feature of the villain's evil character is a tendency to abuse his own accomplices, blame them for his/her own failure, punish them harshly -- even for trivial faults -- and to feel no shame in betraying them should it serve his/her purpose.
Vladimir Propp, in his analysis of the Russian fairy tale, concluded that a fairy tale had only eight dramatis personae, of which one was the villain[3], and his analysis has been widely applied to non-Russian tales. The actions fell into a villain's sphere were
a story-initiating villainy, where the villain caused harm to the hero or his family,
a conflict between the hero and the villain, either a fight or other compeitition
pursuing the hero after he has succeeding in winning the fight or obtaining something from the villain.
None of these acts must necessarily occur in a fairy tale, but when they occurred, the character that performed them was the villain. The villain therefore could appear twice: once in the opening of the story, and a second time as the person sought out by the hero.[4]
When a character performed only these acts, the character was a pure villain. Various villains also perform other functions in a fairy tale; a witch who fought the hero and ran away, which let the hero follow her, was also performing the task of "guidance" and thus acting as a helper. [5]
The functions could also be spread out among several characters. If a dragon acted as villain but was killed by the hero, another character -- such as the dragon's sisters -- might take on the role of villain and pursue the hero.[6]
Two other characters could appear in roles that are villainous in the more general sense. One is the false hero; this character is always villainous, presenting a false claim to be the hero that must be rebuted for the happy ending. [7] Another character, the dispatcher, sends a hero on his quest. This may be an innocent request, to fulfill a legitimate need, but the dispatcher may also, villainously, lie to send a character on a quest in hopes of being rid of him.[8]
Are villains inherently more interesting than the heroes who oppose them? They are at least as indispensable to the stories they appear in, probably more so. Those who stand on the side of righteousness and goodness seldom have much choice but to respond, and little choice in how; for villains, all paths are wide open. Many believe that Satan, for Christians the ultimate villain, is the most interesting character in John Milton's Paradise Lost, for all that he is the embodiment of evil. Perhaps in the nefarious acts of many villains there is more than a hint of wish-fulfilment fantasy, which makes some people identify with them as characters more strongly than they do the heroes. Still, the writer's task in creating a villain is not an easy or a trivial one; a convincing villain must be given a characterization that makes his motive for doing wrong convincing. As put by film critic Roger Ebert: "Each film is only as good as its villain. Since the heroes and the gimmicks tend to repeat from film to film, only a great villain can transform a good try into a triumph."[9]
Villains can be geniuses, (see evil genius), (for example, the highly intelligent Hannibal Lecter), insane (an example being the self-proclaimed Clown Prince of Crime the Joker), power-mad megalomaniacs, (such as the Decepticon leader Megatron, who seeks to rule the universe) dignified (Count Dooku) or all of the above, for instance, Maximillion Pegasus. They may be driven by any number of forces, ranging from greed (Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life and many others, especially criminal) to revenge (Magneto and his vendetta with humanity or Khan and his hatred of Kirk), or even a noble goal twisted by nefarious forces or tragedy (Darth Vader sought power to save his wife, but indirectly killed her instead). Truly, villains are a mixed bag.
However, not all villains are as awe-inspiring as the tall, black-clad Vader or as twisted as the cackling Joker. The character of Man in Bambi was noted as one of the top 100 villains of movie history[10], an impressive feat considering he himself was not completely seen on-screen.
Archenemy – the main and greatest foe of the hero who is the most difficult to defeat; archenemies come with a variety of origins, reasons for their actions etc., although their plots are often threatening to destroy or control a large amount of land, such as the world, galaxy, or universe.
Dark Lord or Evil Overlord – a villain of near-omnipotence in his realm, who seeks to utterly dominate that realm with the help of devoted followers and "Legions of Doom", and whose very name is usually anathema to the lips of the innocent.
Dog heavy – a film term for the third villain in a group, often with minimal or no lines of dialog. The term comes from B-movie Westerns: if the lead villain (or "brain heavy") is the one who leads the group and shoots the sheriff, and the next most villainous kills the deputy, the "dog heavy" is the one who kicks the dog.[11]
Evil genius – a character of great intelligence who chooses to use their knowledge for antisocial/immoral ends.
Femme fatale – a beautiful, seductive but ultimately villainous woman who uses the malign power of her sexuality in order to ensnare the hapless hero into danger.
Heel – the villain in a match of professional wrestling
Mad scientist – a scientist-villain or villain-scientist
Supervillain – a villain who displays special powers, skills or equipment powerful enough to be a typically serious challenge to a superhero.
Black Knight – A villain who is noble but is evil through circumstances.
Second string villain – often not very evil or even competent. Typically more ridiculous or annoying than fearsome or deadly and often serve as comic relief. Sometimes they reform and become probationary heroes or sidekicks. Frequently seen as the adult villains in children's adventure stories.
Tragic villain – is a villain who really does not intend to be a "villain" and perhaps believes they are honestly doing good. They are perhaps misled or not entirely in control of their feelings and/or actions.
Antihero – A character who is neither evil nor good, although this type of character is mostly willing to work for either side depending on the circumstances.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Ask Miss Mancures: Girl Needs Help
Dear Miss Mancures,
Something is very, very wrong with all the men I ever see! They don't seem to know the way the world works. They use reprehensible language in my presence, they don't offer me their seats or coats--they even expect me to open doors myself! I've tried to open doors twice, but I'm not very good at it. I either pull too hard, and send the jingle-bells-that-let-the-clerk-know-there's-a-customer through the glass, or pull too gently, and fall into the door myself. Were these men raised in a barn? Or are they just lazy? I don't know how to deal with men who aren't wrestling for trays and trash bags, or dashing for doors. Help!
Stuck Outside
Miss Mancures:
Dear Stuck,
[*we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post to bring you the following scenarios*:
1. Hannah walks along chatting amiably about the weather, or the state of the roads, with young man from work. She comes to door, pauses momentarily to give man time to dive for the door, and for that magical thing to happen that always does with doors when there are men around. Young man does not dive. Hannah looks at door, looks at man, puzzled. Man looks at Hannah, looks at door, puzzled. Finally realizes she's not going to open door, and does himself, thinking she is either arrogant or incompetent.
2. Hannah goes out on mission with same young man from work. Leaves her coat at the office. Discovers outside that it is cold. Remarks (eyeing his nice warm coat) that it is cold outside. He remarks, "yeah; why didn't you bring your coat?" Hannah gets back in car, and thinks to herself, "well, it's no worse than walking with Helen."
*we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post*:]
Dear Stuck,
It sounds to me like you might have been spoiled by spending four years with some of the nicest and most well-bred gentlemen in the world, whom you probably did not appreciate or thank enough at the time. The men with whom you are currently interacting might be underbred but, because you strive to be a lady, you must believe the best of them, and assume that they are trying not to offend you, or at least not trying to offend you. Do try to thank gentlemen when they display courtesy, but don't be upset if they fail to live up to your habits; and it won't hurt you to learn to open doors or remember your coat. I recommend a firm plant with the foot, followed by a gentle tug on the door's handle. I'm certain you need to practice opening the door when there are only ladies around, anyway. And remember: there's more to being a lady than walking through an open door.
Miss Mancures
[the funny thing is, I keep trying to remember: and inevitably stop unconsciously in front of the door. And after three days of this...he's started opening them. I do miss you gentlemen and ladies.]
Something is very, very wrong with all the men I ever see! They don't seem to know the way the world works. They use reprehensible language in my presence, they don't offer me their seats or coats--they even expect me to open doors myself! I've tried to open doors twice, but I'm not very good at it. I either pull too hard, and send the jingle-bells-that-let-the-clerk-know-there's-a-customer through the glass, or pull too gently, and fall into the door myself. Were these men raised in a barn? Or are they just lazy? I don't know how to deal with men who aren't wrestling for trays and trash bags, or dashing for doors. Help!
Stuck Outside
Miss Mancures:
Dear Stuck,
[*we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post to bring you the following scenarios*:
1. Hannah walks along chatting amiably about the weather, or the state of the roads, with young man from work. She comes to door, pauses momentarily to give man time to dive for the door, and for that magical thing to happen that always does with doors when there are men around. Young man does not dive. Hannah looks at door, looks at man, puzzled. Man looks at Hannah, looks at door, puzzled. Finally realizes she's not going to open door, and does himself, thinking she is either arrogant or incompetent.
2. Hannah goes out on mission with same young man from work. Leaves her coat at the office. Discovers outside that it is cold. Remarks (eyeing his nice warm coat) that it is cold outside. He remarks, "yeah; why didn't you bring your coat?" Hannah gets back in car, and thinks to herself, "well, it's no worse than walking with Helen."
*we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post*:]
Dear Stuck,
It sounds to me like you might have been spoiled by spending four years with some of the nicest and most well-bred gentlemen in the world, whom you probably did not appreciate or thank enough at the time. The men with whom you are currently interacting might be underbred but, because you strive to be a lady, you must believe the best of them, and assume that they are trying not to offend you, or at least not trying to offend you. Do try to thank gentlemen when they display courtesy, but don't be upset if they fail to live up to your habits; and it won't hurt you to learn to open doors or remember your coat. I recommend a firm plant with the foot, followed by a gentle tug on the door's handle. I'm certain you need to practice opening the door when there are only ladies around, anyway. And remember: there's more to being a lady than walking through an open door.
Miss Mancures
[the funny thing is, I keep trying to remember: and inevitably stop unconsciously in front of the door. And after three days of this...he's started opening them. I do miss you gentlemen and ladies.]
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Extra! Extra!
My new look:
But then: I am also very excited. I will be writing! and getting paid for writing! and I get to do a column! and I'll be in and out of an office! It should be fun.
Anyone who knows how to be newsy, please share the scoop. And remember, folks: you heard it here first.
Yes, that's right: I am now temporarily the reporter/writer/photographer/editor of my hometown newspaper. I am excited, but at the same time, a little daunted: I mean, look at her face! How does one go about finding stories, anyway? And worse, I have to learn to use a little more advanced technology than that typewriter: a Mac and a very expensive digital camera, which terrifies me. I look at it and remember all the clutzy things I have ever done, all of my dad's favorite fishing lures I have lost...
But then: I am also very excited. I will be writing! and getting paid for writing! and I get to do a column! and I'll be in and out of an office! It should be fun.
Anyone who knows how to be newsy, please share the scoop. And remember, folks: you heard it here first.
Monday, January 15, 2007
A Useful Idea
When our new Norton anti-virus was installed, I thought for a moment that it said "Freud detector on." Of course, it really turned out to be "Fraud," but really: wouldn't a Freud detector be ever-so-much-more-so Useful?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Ice, Ice
I happened to be in the city on Friday when the ice started. I didn't really want to be, but so it was. There was already freezing rain coming down as I entered, and accidents happening on the interstate. Every time I started from a traffic light, the car would slide around until the tires found the road. "It's not that bad," the gentleman I was taking to the doctor told me. "I've seen a lot worse than this in Chicago. I have lots of confidence in you." I wished I did. I thought I would rather drive in snow in Chicago, with the advantages of traction, and enough people and sand to cover the roads, than in Oklahoma ice and wind. I kept praying, "Lord, is this stupid?" Even when I was almost to the city, I half wished I had simply turned around and gone home. But He gave me peace, and kept me calm.
When we got to the doctor's office, I had a hard time sitting down. The adrenaline of fighting the storm kept me pacing the hall, or the waiting area, or talking to anyone I could find. My cheeks were warm.
People smiled at each other in the halls, drawn together in civilized society against the menace outside. In the hospital gift shop, they stood in line with candy bars and Cokes. "Do you have far to go?" "We had to go to 3 gas stations last night, because the first 2 were sold out." I bought a bag of peanuts--not because I thought I would go off the road, but because I knew I would get hungry if I did.
I sat and fidgeted, waiting for the doctor to get done with my patient, waiting for my phone to ring with news of Nathan, driving east, racing the storm. "Where's your coat?" asked a nice lady waiting for her daughter. I assured her I had one. My phone kept ringing, my boss telling me to get home quickly, and to be very careful.
The receptionist told me they had cancelled the afternoon appointments, and turned off the lights and locked the door. "We're getting out of Dodge," she laughed to a friend on the phone. I sat alone in the waiting area, watching the constant news coverage of invincible journalists standing by highway bridges, telling people to stay inside, listening to them telling people how to drive, giving hints like "cover your car with a blanket while you're inside; put de-icer on your driveway, beware of bridges."
Finally, I saw him coming, and I went to get the car. I pulled the key from my purse, but couldn't get it into the lock. "Oh, Father, it's iced over. What do I do now?" Then I noticed I had the wrong key.
We made it down the slippery hill, onto the road. Waiting at the stoplight, I noticed I couldn't use my windshield wipers, because they were covered in chunks of ice. So we had a Chinese fire drill--I put the car in park, and banged them with my 3-ring binder.
Everyone else on the road was behaving very carefully--leaving plenty of room between cars, driving from 10 to 30 mph. I kept both hands on the wheel (except for waving to the news camera). We counted 3 fire trucks and 1 ambulance going past, and saw 3 cars stopped in the middle of the road, and 1 in the ditch.
As we left the city, the traffic thinned out, but the white covering the road thickened. I started calculating how long it would take to get home, and sped up a little. For the first time, I felt the space between me and home as long. I wanted to be there--but I had a hundred-some miles to go first, and it was a hundred-some miles of fighting, of staying calm, of driving slowly. I mentally counted off the bridges, hills, and curves in my mind, and thanked God for straight roads.
The radio kept playing songs about summer and nice weather: "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone/ I can see every obstacle in my way" and we joked about it being summer in a Twilight Zone.
I dropped him off, and cleaned off my windshield wipers again for the last stretch. There was mist, surrounding me in white, and sleet blowing in mesmerizing swirls of white on white. I wondered if men felt like this on ships in fog. I waved at all three cars I met, wishing courage and a safe trip to my fellow travellers, and wishing I knew what they had seen.
Finally, I rode into my hometown, with half of my windshield iced over. It reminded me of the beginning of westerns, when the stranger rides out of the wilderness. And then, at last:
home.
We are really quite comfortable; our electricity has remained on (and looks as if it will continue to), and we have stayed inside and baked cookies. The southeastern half of the state, however, has had more ice and less electricity. But it is not as bad as it could have been, and Nathan made it safely; and we are thankful. I think I know, though, why Dante put ice deeper than fire...
When we got to the doctor's office, I had a hard time sitting down. The adrenaline of fighting the storm kept me pacing the hall, or the waiting area, or talking to anyone I could find. My cheeks were warm.
People smiled at each other in the halls, drawn together in civilized society against the menace outside. In the hospital gift shop, they stood in line with candy bars and Cokes. "Do you have far to go?" "We had to go to 3 gas stations last night, because the first 2 were sold out." I bought a bag of peanuts--not because I thought I would go off the road, but because I knew I would get hungry if I did.
I sat and fidgeted, waiting for the doctor to get done with my patient, waiting for my phone to ring with news of Nathan, driving east, racing the storm. "Where's your coat?" asked a nice lady waiting for her daughter. I assured her I had one. My phone kept ringing, my boss telling me to get home quickly, and to be very careful.
The receptionist told me they had cancelled the afternoon appointments, and turned off the lights and locked the door. "We're getting out of Dodge," she laughed to a friend on the phone. I sat alone in the waiting area, watching the constant news coverage of invincible journalists standing by highway bridges, telling people to stay inside, listening to them telling people how to drive, giving hints like "cover your car with a blanket while you're inside; put de-icer on your driveway, beware of bridges."
Finally, I saw him coming, and I went to get the car. I pulled the key from my purse, but couldn't get it into the lock. "Oh, Father, it's iced over. What do I do now?" Then I noticed I had the wrong key.
We made it down the slippery hill, onto the road. Waiting at the stoplight, I noticed I couldn't use my windshield wipers, because they were covered in chunks of ice. So we had a Chinese fire drill--I put the car in park, and banged them with my 3-ring binder.
Everyone else on the road was behaving very carefully--leaving plenty of room between cars, driving from 10 to 30 mph. I kept both hands on the wheel (except for waving to the news camera). We counted 3 fire trucks and 1 ambulance going past, and saw 3 cars stopped in the middle of the road, and 1 in the ditch.
As we left the city, the traffic thinned out, but the white covering the road thickened. I started calculating how long it would take to get home, and sped up a little. For the first time, I felt the space between me and home as long. I wanted to be there--but I had a hundred-some miles to go first, and it was a hundred-some miles of fighting, of staying calm, of driving slowly. I mentally counted off the bridges, hills, and curves in my mind, and thanked God for straight roads.
The radio kept playing songs about summer and nice weather: "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone/ I can see every obstacle in my way" and we joked about it being summer in a Twilight Zone.
I dropped him off, and cleaned off my windshield wipers again for the last stretch. There was mist, surrounding me in white, and sleet blowing in mesmerizing swirls of white on white. I wondered if men felt like this on ships in fog. I waved at all three cars I met, wishing courage and a safe trip to my fellow travellers, and wishing I knew what they had seen.
Finally, I rode into my hometown, with half of my windshield iced over. It reminded me of the beginning of westerns, when the stranger rides out of the wilderness. And then, at last:
home.
We are really quite comfortable; our electricity has remained on (and looks as if it will continue to), and we have stayed inside and baked cookies. The southeastern half of the state, however, has had more ice and less electricity. But it is not as bad as it could have been, and Nathan made it safely; and we are thankful. I think I know, though, why Dante put ice deeper than fire...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
fragility
Seeing fear in myself, and hating it--fear of disappointing people, fear of disappointing God; fear of giving in to fears that dance around inside my mind, just outside my reach, waiting for a vulnerable moment to attack. Lying in bed at night and crying at the dark gnawing within. Seeing God's love and power at work, and crying for seeing how I don't deserve it.
"Be strong and courageous."
Yesterday--fear made weather--easier, because I could face it. Not having to think of enemies within, because the enemies outside demanded attention. Knowing I was in His hands, and knowing peace in His protection. Coming home, a goal reached, safe from the wind and ice-- and realizing I couldn't do anything to help those not at home, and must trust for them, too.
"Only be strong and very courageous."
But Lord! It's so hard to be brave sometimes, especially when I am a very Small Animal. And it's so easy to feel Small, and Overwhelmed, and Alone, and like burying my head in the blankets, waiting for life to simply blow past. Feeling incorrigible and isolated; out of reach of human help.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
When I don't deserve it, He is with me. When I am overwhelmed, He is with me. When I walk through the shades of death, His presence is my stay. He is gentle, loving me not because of what I do, but because of Who He Is.
"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in him. By this is love perfected within us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as He is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us."
"Every day the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
'As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,'
This the pledge to me He made."
"Be strong and courageous."
Yesterday--fear made weather--easier, because I could face it. Not having to think of enemies within, because the enemies outside demanded attention. Knowing I was in His hands, and knowing peace in His protection. Coming home, a goal reached, safe from the wind and ice-- and realizing I couldn't do anything to help those not at home, and must trust for them, too.
"Only be strong and very courageous."
But Lord! It's so hard to be brave sometimes, especially when I am a very Small Animal. And it's so easy to feel Small, and Overwhelmed, and Alone, and like burying my head in the blankets, waiting for life to simply blow past. Feeling incorrigible and isolated; out of reach of human help.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
When I don't deserve it, He is with me. When I am overwhelmed, He is with me. When I walk through the shades of death, His presence is my stay. He is gentle, loving me not because of what I do, but because of Who He Is.
"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in him. By this is love perfected within us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as He is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us."
"Every day the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Power.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
'As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,'
This the pledge to me He made."
Monday, January 08, 2007
Thoughts
From a philosopher of our times, of unrivalled stature:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
"Never eat more than you can lift."
"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his arms and legs."
~Miss Piggy
And then, from a few others, because it is January:
"When we lose twenty pounds...we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty." ~Woody Allen
"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake." ~Author Unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge." ~Don Kardong
"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." ~George Bernard Shaw
"I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990." ~Dave Barry
"Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained." ~Author Unknown
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?" ~Author Unknown
"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates." ~Dave Barry
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." ~Orson Welles
"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'" ~P.G. Wodehouse
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
"Never eat more than you can lift."
"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his arms and legs."
~Miss Piggy
And then, from a few others, because it is January:
"When we lose twenty pounds...we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty." ~Woody Allen
"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake." ~Author Unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge." ~Don Kardong
"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." ~George Bernard Shaw
"I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990." ~Dave Barry
"Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained." ~Author Unknown
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?" ~Author Unknown
"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates." ~Dave Barry
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." ~Orson Welles
"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'" ~P.G. Wodehouse
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