This Week's Column

Whether you plan to celebrate Valentine's Day with your sweetheart, or Singles Appreciation Day (SAD) with your cat, or not to celebrate at all, none of us can ignore the fact that February 14th will soon be upon us. Pink and red hearts pop up everywhere, disregarding the ancient Greeks, who believed the seat of the emotions to be less colorful internal organs. And with Valentine's Day, as with all other Great American Holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day) the retail world sees their chance to make a lot of money-- us.

Google tells me there are 15,200,000 matches for "valentine gift." Well, "about" 15,200,000--you can give or take a few (there are, however, no matches for "unique valentine gift," so don't even bother trying for that). One website helpfully tells men that flowers and candy just aren't enough anymore-- women will notice if you don't get them, but you better not stop there. "The important thing," they all say, "is that you give her a gift from your heart, something that will show her how much you care about her. And, by the way, she's going to judge your gift to her by the amount of money you spend on it. Here!" they gleefully announce, "We have the solution: buy her jewellry and clothing and furniture and an island in the Caribbean, and she will know that you love her. Until we come up with something bigger next year." And I see them ranged in store aisles, the poor well-meaning, deluded men, hopelessly looking for a perfect gift for their perfect match.

Retailers have now decided that it's not enough to sell out their women's sections, either: ladies are evidently supposed to be buying their special someone a special something too. This can lead to some difficulty, since we have yet to find the masculine equivalent of flowers and candy. Tool sets and lawnmowers are about as close as we seem able to come, but "roses are red/violets are blue/wrenches are sweet/and so are you" just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm sure, though, that if you are wanting to please that outdoor, farming kind of man, he would be more than happy to get a "John Deere" letter.

Don't get me wrong-- I like the idea of gifts for Valentine's Day. And gifts for the other 364 days in the year, for that matter. A box of chocolates or a bouquet of roses or wildflowers can instantly brighten the day for most women, and I imagine that the masculine alternative (whatever that may be) could do the same for most men. But the brightening factor is caused not so much by the flowers themselves, lovely though they are, as by the fact that the recipient knows someone wanted to make her happy. Any properly-ordered human being will be much happier with a dollar store gift given from a loving heart than with the Hope Diamond itself, given from a sense of obligation or guilt.

O. Henry tells a story called "The Gift of the Magi," about the gifts of two very poor people who love each other. Della, the wife in the story, wants to find her husband "something fine and rare and sterling--something just a little bit near to being worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim." She sells her one treasure-- her hair-- in order to buy him The Perfect Gift: and as it turns out, he has sold his only treasure to buy her one, too. In the end it is their sacrifices that are the most precious gifts-- the fact that each of them was willing to give up something very special (even a part of themselves) because they wanted to please the other.
After all, isn't that what love is? Not a warm fuzzy feeling or a pit to be fallen into, but an earnest desire for another person's good. Even placing the other person's interests ahead of one's own. Love is a pouring out of self, a giving-- giving up our selfish desires, giving up our wills, laying down our rights. Laying down life-- sometimes in one heroic act, and sometimes one breath at a time.
Gifts can be a wonderful expression of love and thoughtfulness, but shouldn't be confused with the Real Thing. The Real Thing keeps on giving year-round by taking out the garbage or the dog, or waking up in the middle of the night to rock the baby. Because love isn't about the loved one's worthiness-- it's more about the one doing the loving. And that's the only reason any of us can be loved.

Happy Valentine's Day! And Happy Shopping for Valentine's Day. Please shop responsibly: shop Fairview. And remember, it's the love that counts. But toasters are still not romantic.