Ask Miss Mancures: Girl Needs Help

Dear Miss Mancures,

Something is very, very wrong with all the men I ever see! They don't seem to know the way the world works. They use reprehensible language in my presence, they don't offer me their seats or coats--they even expect me to open doors myself! I've tried to open doors twice, but I'm not very good at it. I either pull too hard, and send the jingle-bells-that-let-the-clerk-know-there's-a-customer through the glass, or pull too gently, and fall into the door myself. Were these men raised in a barn? Or are they just lazy? I don't know how to deal with men who aren't wrestling for trays and trash bags, or dashing for doors. Help!

Stuck Outside


Miss Mancures:

Dear Stuck,

[*we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post to bring you the following scenarios*:

1. Hannah walks along chatting amiably about the weather, or the state of the roads, with young man from work. She comes to door, pauses momentarily to give man time to dive for the door, and for that magical thing to happen that always does with doors when there are men around. Young man does not dive. Hannah looks at door, looks at man, puzzled. Man looks at Hannah, looks at door, puzzled. Finally realizes she's not going to open door, and does himself, thinking she is either arrogant or incompetent.

2. Hannah goes out on mission with same young man from work. Leaves her coat at the office. Discovers outside that it is cold. Remarks (eyeing his nice warm coat) that it is cold outside. He remarks, "yeah; why didn't you bring your coat?" Hannah gets back in car, and thinks to herself, "well, it's no worse than walking with Helen."

*we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post*:]

Dear Stuck,

It sounds to me like you might have been spoiled by spending four years with some of the nicest and most well-bred gentlemen in the world, whom you probably did not appreciate or thank enough at the time. The men with whom you are currently interacting might be underbred but, because you strive to be a lady, you must believe the best of them, and assume that they are trying not to offend you, or at least not trying to offend you. Do try to thank gentlemen when they display courtesy, but don't be upset if they fail to live up to your habits; and it won't hurt you to learn to open doors or remember your coat. I recommend a firm plant with the foot, followed by a gentle tug on the door's handle. I'm certain you need to practice opening the door when there are only ladies around, anyway. And remember: there's more to being a lady than walking through an open door.

Miss Mancures

[the funny thing is, I keep trying to remember: and inevitably stop unconsciously in front of the door. And after three days of this...he's started opening them. I do miss you gentlemen and ladies.]