No condemnation

Been struggling lately, with seeing sin in my soul, its root in my pride, seeing my own prideful sinful attempts to deal with my sin myself, my own sense of overwhelming guilt, my own attempts to kill my Self so Christ may live in me (no, alert things, I am not talking about suicide, but about "dying" to my own will and wishes.). All of which are wrong. But I see in myself a daily struggle-- wanting to say, no, it's okay, Lord, I have everything under control--oh, maybe not. And I am so thankful that God loves me enough to show me my weakness, to help me, to forgive me--to live in me when I truly let Him and stop trying to do things myself. And then I think, my goodness, H, are these not basic things? This is nothing new and exciting. Surely you have grown past this by now!

It is hard to see the weakness. But I know, too, that the basic things of the Christian faith are not things I can grow past--they are things upon which God can build, in my life, but they must always be there, supporting the higher things, keeping me from pride in myself and my own faith.

This is nothing new, I know, for Christians through history. It is nothing new for myself, either. I am thankful for the written records I have of times in the past when God has reminded me of my weakness and sinfulness and His grace. But what hurts is that I have to learn these things over and over again--not that I have to learn them, but that I have to learn them because I have forgotten them. How does that happen? Slowly, one day at a time, thinking to myself I don't need to spend so much time with God, in His word, thinking of myself the whole time I do, being impressed by my own godliness. Oh God, save me from myself.

And He does, even now. Not only did He save me once and for all, but He continues to save me from myself.

And He will, once and for all, because He's promised that He will change me. That He will fulfill the good work He began in me. That I will grow up into the stature of Christ, and that I will bear the image of the man from heaven. That He will be all in all.