primaverita

I don’t care what the calendar says, today was the first real day of spring. It rained.

But this rain was different from the frozen-cold-sky-is-falling-in sort of rain that io odio. This rain was sweet to the taste, bippety-boppety-booping me on the nose, and running away laughing. A rain of the heaven-is-falling-into-earth sort. The sun was still splendoring—the rain didn’t blot out even my vision of it; only added to its glory.

Rain like this makes me want to go dance and spin in circles and laugh for no reason, but I contented myself with riding my bike for an explore, seeing if I could get myself lost and then found. And it half worked-- I only had to ask directions once. I saw lilacs, and stopped and pulled down a branch, and it showered me with spring-smell.

Everything was so fresh in the park—even the people. At least I felt fresh. Like the man seeing the real sun after being stuck in the cave.

Yesterday was a day of continued struggling. Trying to kill the old self, trying to kill the self-centered attempts to kill the old self, trying to kill the self-obsessed tries at killing the self-centered attempts to kill the old self…ad infinitum. Saying to myself, when does this happen? When I am not reading my Bible and praying and memorizing Scripture and meditating on it…must read Bible. Must pray. Must memorize and meditate. AAAAAAHH! There I go again making lists for myself of things I can accomplish! Die, die, die!

“Lord, I don’t know how I’m going to keep this up the rest of my life,” I thought. “It’s only six o’clock on day…well, whatever, and I’m already exhausted from this struggle. I’m going to take a nap.”

So I went to lie down, brain reeling. And then it came. “Abide in Me.”

What? Can that really be all there is to it? Um, are you sure about that Lord?

But sure enough, there was more: “Be still (cease striving, or, maybe better yet, STOP!) and know that I am God.” Oh. “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the dawn, your justice as the noonday.” Do not be anxious about anything—fret not! Trust in God. Trust also in me.

A-bide [uh-bayhd] (according to dictionary.com):

verb, used without object:

To remain; continue; stay.
To have one’s abode; dwell; reside.
To continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.

I know “abide” wasn’t the original word Jesus used. But I do love it. The Italian says dimorare, to reside, according to my dictionary. Can’t you just see Jesus? “Live here in my love. Settle down, set up housekeeping, stay here. And I will live in you. And no, you can’t bear fruit without me, but when I’m living in you, you will bear fruit that lasts, and my Father will be glorified. How do you abide? Simple. Obey my commandments. Love each other like I have loved you. Don’t worry about producing love out of yourself—I’ll remind you of my words, I’ll produce the fruit in you—you just stay here with me.”

Aaaaaaah. This is it. This is the peace that surpasses understanding, this is the complete, real joy. This is the perfect love that casts out fear. Not that we loved Him, but that He loved us.